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A story of love, betrayal, hippies, and gods
Follow a shitload of human and troll half-bloods alike on their quests to find the answer to the ultimate riddle:
"Who's this douchebag?"
multiple artists
disclaimer: hippies may or may not be hideous monsters in disguise.
hmmmmmmmm……..
Not bad. There are definitely worse puppets campers to use ask for help. But this is a pretty touchy subject. You’d prefer someone
like Jade. PERFECT!!!!!!!! With her influence, you could get the whole camp on your side, and Chiron and that dumb “Camp Host” will HAVE to let you have your way!!!!!!!! Now you just have to make sure you play your cards right with Jade.
> Talk to Jade.
But which loser to talk to first? This is clearly a matter of such grave importance, you couldn’t possibly make an uninformed decision without invoking the wrath of the gods—or just god, singular. Janus is always meddling in mortal affairs, and it isn’t really all that hard to invoke his wrath. That guy’s wrath is like…
like…
like something that is really easy to invoke.
yeah that works.
> Consult stat sheet.
You turn around and start the friendliest conversation you can muster with the cabin wall.
Show cabinlog:
Vriska: Hey.
Wall:
Vriska: So you’re a wall huh?
Wall:
Vriska: Oh my god you’re so l8me.
Wall:
Vriska: Ok8y I’m done here.
> Well that sure was a waste of time. Try talking to your cabin mates.
Maybe later! Right now you have to try to be civil in order for your plan to work. Not that you have any plans. Who said anything about plans? Definitely not you is who! It is like you and plans just had a nasty breakup and plans had his friends stop by your formerly shared apartment to pick up his toothbrush and now you are a single girl ready to hit the town and not be tied down anymore! You and plans are totally through! Yeah!!!!!!!! Okay, you admit that was kind of a lame metaphor. That lamey lame son of Apollo is better at them, not that you would ever say it to his stupid, handsome, best friend-ensnaring face.
Wait
You didn’t just say that
……..
Yeah.
You are in CABIN FIVE. At any given time your cabin is overrun with PUGNACIOUS PEOPLEPESTS, which is to say, children or descendants of your closest “genetic” match, ARES, GOD OF WAR. What? No, not like the video game.
Okay, maybe they based it off him.
No, you don’t play it all the time you’re too busy—okay, whatever. Anyway.
Right now, though, the only other people in the cabin are two of your GENETICALLY SIMILAR BUT THAT DOESN’T REALLY MEAN ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU’RE A TROLL “friends.” They always sort of roll their eyes when you use those little air quotes but only because they don’t understand that in the ancient Alternian mother-tongue, friend is synonymous with enemy.
Littering your bunk is a set of eight D8, which you use during your many ILLEGAL CABIN-BASED GAMBLING TOURNAMENTS. Those babies have brought you so much luck. You could even say they’ve brought so much luck as to not leave any luck for anyone else. YEAH!!!!!!!!
Anyway, you guess it’s time to get this show on the road.
BINGO!
Your name is Vriska Serket.
You have many interests, most of which involve horribly maiming deadly monsters. You attend CAMP HALF-BLOOD, home to every kid and troll unlucky enough to call themselves descended from a god this side of the continent.
You are head of the ARES cabin, OBVIOUSLY, the BEST, STRONGEST, COOOOOOOOLEST god on Olympus and you are totally THE BEST at making him proud. Totally. He has so much pride in you. All of the pride.
Sometimes you host illegal gambling games out of your cabin.
What will you do?
> Vriska: Look around the cabin, inform us of your environs.
Show Dialoguelog
CHIRON: Well now. Let us not delve into matters of the metaphysical.
VRISKA: yeah sure whatever
VRISKA: get your hand off my f8ce
Chiron’s shirt says “MY OTHER CAR IS A CENTAUR”
Close but no cigar!
Although she admits that being a descendant of Eris would be PRETTY 8ADASS.
Man, how hard is it to guess just one god’s name? She says you guys get one more guess. Better make it count.
Does she look like a sea dweller to you? or a lamey lame Roman?
Okay those other two sound kind of reasonable, she guesses, but that doesn’t make them any less incorrect.
Looks like you need to guess again, dummy!
A young troll stands in front of a pink screen. It just so happens that today, the 27th of April, is this young troll’s claiming day. Though it was two years ago she was claimed by a god, it is only today her primary genetic contributor’s name will be revealed!
What will the name of her primary genetic contributor be?
